9/24/12

Today, I added onto and edited the scene that I started Thursday that came from the SOC:

In this scene, Dani has just finished yelling at Jimmy. It happened in the middle of the mall, so Dani is filled with many emotions, starting with embarrassment.

EXT- BRUNSWICK SQUARE MALL -BACK OF BUILDING- AFTERNOON

Dani runs out of the mall, mortified. She sits down on a bench and puts her head in his hands. Austin runs after her, looking very excited and hyper. He notices her expression, and he tones down his excitement. He sits down next to her. There is a long pause before anyone speaks up.

AUSTIN: So, how's it goin?
DANI: Frustrated. Happy. Mostly frustrated.
AUSTIN: Be happy! You finally stood up to that asswhipe!
DANI: I guess.
AUSTIN: You guess what?
DANI: I don't know. I feel like I was a little harsh.
AUSTIN: Compared to what he did to you? He got what he deserved, but hey,  that is why you gotta stop keeping things bottled up inside like you do. Then you just blow up, like that.
DANI: I guess.
AUSTIN: That was pretty bad ass though. (Pause) I'm proud of you.
DANI: Thanks.

There is another long pause.

AUSTIN: So it's over I guess.
Dani chuckles slightly

DANI: It was over before it started.
AUSTIN: You really think so?
DANI: Have you seen our "Relationship" She puts air quotes around the last word.
AUSTIN: Well for what it's worth, I think he's an idiot for doing what he did. You deserve so much better.

Dani smiles at Austin. She looks at him for a while, and leans in to kiss him. Austin sees what she is about to do, and pushes her face away.

AUSTIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
DANI: I'm sorry! I don't know what i'm doing right now!
AUSTIN: Uhmm, yeah, I can see that.
DANI: I got caught up in the moment! Oh my god I am so sorry. So, so sorry. I'm not in the right state of mind right now, I would have kissed my dog if it was sitting next to me. Oh my god.
AUSTIN: Dani. Breathe. You didn't actually kiss me. It's fine. Let's just forget it happened, okay?

CUT.


Reflection: I think I deserve a 100 for today. I am extremely happy with my progress today. I took the crap that I wrote on Thursday while I was having a writers block, and turned it into a scene that is going to be very beneficial to the main relationship in my screenplay.  One thing I am noticing that I do need to work on is the tone. For the most part, the lines are flowing, but I feel like some of it is very cliche. I know that when I read other peoples work and there are to many cliche's, I feel like vomiting. I think that I will need to get another point of view on the script very soon.