1/13/14-1/17/13

This week was a good week in terms of getting things done for Girl Be Heard. I had an audition for them this week for the touring company (which I sadly did not get into because of my age) But I still had work to do in preparation for the audition as well as workshops which started up again today after the winter break.

The interesting thing about this week was the way I ended up diving my time.

Monday was spent editing/finalizing/memorizing the 2 pieces I was required to memorize and perform at my audition for the touring company (which I attached in last weeks blogs.)

Tuesday, and this is where it gets interesting, was my audition day, so that took place of my blogs, however, I ended up writing an entirely new piece for my audition an hour before my call time. It was done on the back of an old homework assignment in a cafe in the Village (YAY SO ARTSY)

This has nothing to do with my grade but I feel the need to talk about the artsy situation that happened that day and how it was the first time I genuinely felt like an artist.

SO

Girl Be Heard is all about storytelling for the most part. That's what we perform. No limitations, no censorship, ectc. The only thing you get criticized about is the writing quality of the story, not the actual story because everything is personal.

SO

Something, which can kind of be inferred if you can read it, occurred in school that day which took up my entire mind set (the day of my audition, yay). So you can imagine how hard it was to focus.

I had 2 pieces I had ready to perform that day, memorized and all. One about double standards (which I had written specifically for the audition), and an edited version of my GBH Unplugged piece I had just performed about a month ago.

As I sat in this Cafe with Beckie after her audition, the more I couldn't stop thinking about this issue. The first thing they tell you in Girl Be Heard is to write whats going on now with you. GBH's specific flavor is the storytelling of the everyday lives of girls. So I made the rash decision to write down exactly what I was passionate about at that moment, and go for it. It took place of the double standards piece, which I loved, but was not as passionate about in the moment.

Turns out, or at least from my perspective, I kicked ass in the audition. Unfortunately my ass kicking couldn't change the fact that i'm 16, which legally makes it hard for them to take me on tour, but this was the first time I gave it my complete all in an audition. My confidence was at an all time high walking in there and walking out.

END OF MY STEREOTYPICAL TEENAGE ARTSY BREAKTHROUGH KICK ASS IN MY OWN MIND AUDITION

I spend Wends. finishing my play for Lisa, Welcome To Eternity, which I can also use to submit for a future Girl Be Heard show.

I ended up slacking Thursday, so i'm going to use that added hour that I spent writing my last minute piece for my audition for this day, since I didn't technically have to blog that day.

And Friday. Well, I spent Friday planning out how this blog post was going to go. It probably isn't that exciting reading on a blog, but for me (and I could be completely off here) It was that stereotypical artist thing I always hear about from older kids.

ANYWAY
There's my blog.

If you have made it to the end of this post, I am so sorry.

1/6/14-1/10/14

This week, I got the news that there is an open call for current Girl Be Heard company members to audition for the touring company. The touring company is the on call team that gets to perform their pieces upon request of different colleges, conventions, and events across the nation and possibly globally within the next year or so.

I sent over an email expressing my interest, and here is my official response

Hello Briana -

Thank you for your interest in Girl Be Heard's Touring Company. You have been selected to audition for an audition. To guarantee your space, please respond back to this message within 24 hours. If we do not hear from you we will give your space to someone else.

 

We have schedule your audition date and time for: 

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 14th at 7:05 pm 

 

at

 

One Potata Productions

80 E. 11th Street - Suite 301A

New York, NY, 10003

 

For this audition we ask you to bring:

- Two contrasting pieces of work you've written, memorized and performance ready. These can be contrasting in themes, tone or content. These can be pieces you've previously written for Girl Be Heard shows. 

- A hard copy of your headshot (or photo) and a resume

 

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions. 

 

Best,

Ashley

From Monday-Wednesday, I wrote an entirely new piece based on a specific prompt the directed suggested I write while workshops were still going on: 

Doube Standard

He can do it, why can’t I?

He can wear a tanktop to school but when I do it i’m “showing too much skin.”

He can have a new girlfriend every week, but when I go from one boyfriend to the next i’m “a slut”

He can brag about the newest girl he’s banged but word gets out that i’ve slept with someone i'm “easy”

He can talk about how hot Kate Upton is, but god forbid I mention my crush on Adam Levine and i’m “degrading my place as a feminist”

He can dress as if he just walked out of bed without a question but if I decide i don't want to wear eyeliner that day, i’m “sick” or something else is wrong.

He can curse like a sailor, but I can’t drop the F bomb because “it isn’t lady like.”

He doesn’t have to be mad for any specific reason, but when i’m mad  “I’m just on my period or something.”

He can stand his ground and be called “a man”. I stand my ground and i’m called a bitch

He’s told that being a man means being the strong one, being the man means being the one in control, being the man means being the one with the last word, but i’m told that being the woman means being the one to nurture and care, being the one who’s fairy tale ending is getting married to the prince.

Does this mean that i’m not allowed to be the strong one? Does this mean that i’m not allowed to be the one in control? Does this mean that i’m not allowed to have the last word?

Does this mean that it’s not his job to nurture and care? Does this mean that he is what completes a girl’s fairy tale ending?

He can do it. Why can’t I?

as well as a new piece, I spent the rest of the week making edits (which ended up basically we-writing) to my piece that I performed at Girl Be Heard Unplugged this past December. Here is the original piece, and below it is the edited piece:

ORIGINAL:

What I’m scared of is so not feminist of me. What I’m scared of isn’t that big of a deal to most people, but that’s because most people have had this. But when I tell people, they say: “Oh, big deal. You’re being dramatic.” Or “That’s a stupid reason to be upset.” But I say it is. And I say that I’m not being dramatic.                                                                                                                                                                    All of my friends, they have had boyfriends and “experiences”. But me? I’m just innocent old Bri. The one who is too awkward to find anyone to like her. The one who has the romantic experience of a toilet brush.                                                                                                                                                            

This scares me. It scares me that no one will ever look at me that way. I’m scared that no one will ever want to be with me. I’m scared that when prom comes around, all of my friends will have dates and I’ll be that person who goes alone and third wheels everyone.                                                                                       

 People always talk about slut shaming right? Well I think people should start talking about virgin shaming. Because it is a big deal to some girls. Girls are looked at differently for it. Girls are bullied for it, and that is just as bad as shaming a girl for the opposite reason.

NEW: 

It isn’t feminist of me, I will admit. It isn’t a big deal to most people because it was a rite of passage to them. So when I tell people what I hate most about myself they say “That’s no big deal.” And maybe they’re right, but it doesn’t make it suck any less.

All of my friends have had all these boyfriends and experiences and wild nights out. But me? I’m just innocent old Bri. The awkward one who you’re parents love because they know you won’t be up to any funny business when we hang out. The one who’s Friday nights include a box of Oreos and a Tim Burton movie.

Call me straight edge, call me a prude, and call me socially awkward. I’ve heard it all. And sure, it could be worse. I could be pregnant or on the streets or dying of cancer. I get that and I thank my lucky stars every day that I’m not. But every day, I’m looked at like I’m some porcelain doll. So I dress in all black and wear a lot of eyeliner and leather to try to mask that, but at the end of the day, I’m the one who comes home and cries because of my lack of a life.

Why is that? Why are we shamed if we have too much fun, and shamed if we don’t have enough? Why are we defined not by how many accomplishments we have made, but how many hookups we have had? Why are we slut shamed AND virgin shamed.

It’s what being a teenager is, I get it, but man it hurts sometimes.